Open your eyes

2021.12.06 23:21 DemonLordMammon Open your eyes

"Never cry in pain that you want to die! Go and live the life that you want to find!"
I would be lying if those words weren't the biggest load of bullshit I heard in my life. They were poisonous, toxic even. Creating this illusion that there was something further beyond. Well... It used to be the motto of Spain to say "Ne Plus Ultra," 'nothing further beyond.' I hate to break it all of you, but this is as good as it's going to get, and it already hurts like a bitch.
I don't know if it's some kind of fate that the people I meet have the same issues as me, the phrase 'Birds of a feather flock together' does tend to come to my mind often. I've lost track how many times I've turned into a pseudo therapist and amateur psychiatrist, always having to juggle what the right thing it is to say to those people.
I don't regret it at all. How could I? I'm sorry if I sound like I'm whining about this whole thing. It's just so hard to process sometimes. I live my rather mediocre and dull life, and I meet all these people around me that are just so much more passionate than I could ever hope to be. Like, I'll be sat in a Discord call and listening to all these people talk about what drives them. How they have this goal they reach for, how they plan to claw and scrap and fight for the sake of their dreams.
...And yet, I catch these individuals, my friends, in a state I could never fathom them being in upon first meeting them. They would just willingly throw everything away... I just can't fully understand all. All their dreams, all their desires, their passion, their love, their drive... All of it with the ability to be snuffed out like a flickering candle.
For someone as disconnected as me, I guess I can't really pretend to understand them fully. It would be the same as asking me my opinion on microbiology, I could give you an answer but it may as well be written in dried shit.
Anyway... It's late. Fuckin' December, always making it dark by 3PM and just being a shitty time for my health in general. I ended up breaking out in Shingles this time last year, which was just so much fun. I would personally like to thank God for that experience. After all, what doesn't kill just makes you weaker so something else can finish you off.
The bed is almost like a sanctum. The same double bed I've had since I was a child, the thing being over a decade old at this point, and still baring the same duvet cover from back then too. Should probably change the design... But what's the point? Not like anyone's going to be noticing it. Asexuality is a blessing and a curse.
I liked to keep my bed cold, for no other reason than I think it's nicer. We all have our weird opinions, and it just so happened to be one of mine. Personally, when you've woken up drenched in sweat because you used to sleep under the covers fully, you learn to appreciate the benefits of the other side.
Sliding into bed, I just hoped I would be able to fall asleep quickly. It had always been a pain for me to do so. Often times, I would just be tossing and turning for hours. I would then finally fall asleep at around 4am, only to then wake up at like 6am and not get back to sleep. How I was still a functioning member of society (allegedly) was amazing on my end, if you allow me a weird flex for a second.
Still, I didn't expect this night to be any different.
I had to leave my phone on charge in place of usually taking it to bed, it's what I get for spending the whole four hour break between lectures on it. Although, I'll wager with you that if you had to sit through a lecture about constructing survey questions for Political Science, you'd be doing the same thing.
So, in effect, I was just laying there in my bed. A suffocating blanket of darkness around me, forcing me into the bed whether I liked it or not. The cluttered mess of my room drawing a vague imprint on my eyes as my eyelids covered them, all ready for another great few hours of twisting and turning.
It was about half an hour into it before something went... Amiss.
I was on my side, back facing toward where my door would've been and face towards the wall my bed was propped up against.
In the faintness of its existence and the noise of my bedsheets continuously moving under my legs, I could've missed it. However, the sound it made was unmistakeable.
It was one of those small things that went bump in the night, a tiny thud that actually was more pleasant compared to the sound I heard less than a few seconds later.
A slippery, slimy, slithering sound. The wetness slicking and staining the floor under a near torrential downpour the closer it got to my room. Each little squelch was more sickening than the last. The stench was also something that tortured my nose on another level. You know that smell you get after you realise you've been carrying dog shit on your shoe? Yeah, take that, add in some cat piss for good measure, and then throw it down the basement of some shitty neckbeard. Only then might you understand just how putrid this fucking thing was.
However, all of that was really much of a muchness. I can deal with foul smells and sounds that make me want to rip my eardrums off, but not so much with the next part.
Whoever the hell this was... Whatever the hell it was... It was speaking to me. Not in that scrambled, static like way that most hellish demons would screech in. No, instead he was suave, his voice husky even. It sounded so calm as well... Almost like I could forget that it was likely some kind of awful monster surely coming to put me out of my misery.
"...Hey... Turn... Open... Your eyes..."
I remained silent and stationary. I don't know what fuckin' entity this was, nor what it looked like, but I was going to follow its orders that easily! What did it think I was? A fucking moron? Jesus wept!
"Open your eyes... I need you."
Begging... It sounded like it was begging. Nothing had changed in its tone, but I had heard people say that so often that it couldn't sound anything different from begging to me. The same eerie calmness beset his voice, same low whisper (almost like he was trying not to wake anyone despite attempting to rouse me), all of it remained the same. However, I was never going to budge. Not one bit.
"I know you're not asleep. You listen, with those tiny ears of yours... They look almost like jewels, so, so fragile. Like I could crush them like a nice, shiny apple."
A wetness started to fall upon me. It was... Whatever its hands were, it was slicking all over my skin. The worst part? The warmth. It was so ungodly warm. Rain and water were cold by nature, so I believe, and I just felt so gross beyond reasonable measure.
I don't even want to describe the feeling of it caressing my ear like a new-born child. I might throw up, and the last time I did that I ended up coating my garage in the stuff.
"I kid. I joke. I need them... Wonderful things that they are. Such great... Implements... Not matter how you slice them. Hey, I need you to listen to something for me right now, if you would be so kind. Open your eyes."
Really? This thing was still on my ass about this? I refused. I doubt pretending I was asleep was going to do anything, not when this thing was hovering over my back and sliming all over me... God that sounds so wrong... And it felt worse.
"Okay then... If you want to play hard to get, that's fine by me. I know you're awake. So, I want you to do what you're always so good at and listen to me. Maybe then, you'll open your eyes."
I could feel a large extra weight plop itself down on my bed, taking up the whole other side without even stopping to think about the disgusting residue that would leak onto my sheets. Plus... I could feel this thing's breath. I could feel how haggard it was, how inexplicably cold it was. Every single heave sounded like a cry for help from the lungs, the last breath of a dying lifeform.
"If this thing called a heart exists... Would I find it if I split open your chest? Can I hold it in my hand? Can the heart exist without the body? So... So many questions, such little time. But don't worry, I won't be bothering you with that question right about now. We still have much to do..."
Inching closer... It was inching closer... Every soggy squelch and rustle (?) signalled its inexorable conquest of more of my bed. I couldn't move a single muscle... It might have known I was awake, but there was little chance it was going make my chances better if I suddenly moved.
"'Die and shut your mouth!' 'Die and shut your mouth!' That's what you told him, right? That's the last message from you that imprinted on his soul. Such a cruel thing to say, is it not? Or are you still going to refuse to open your eyes?"
I wanted to tell this thing to shut up... To just... To just leave me the hell alone! But even if I wanted to scream my pain to the heavens, no one would be listening. I was home alone again. Just like always.
Another shuffle, the distance closing once more... He was going to be here soon...
"Hatred has become such a fashion trend, hasn't it? You can sit behind your keyboard and spill nothing but bile. However, you can still be the saviour to so many people. You're quite the interesting contradiction. Open your eyes."
A pause. The sound of its teeth, or what I assumed to be its teeth, swished around in its mouth. Second by second, he crunched and grinded them all down right to little flakes. The feeling of which started to dot my back, which do nothing both try to weather the weak storm.
"Tomorrow... Tomorrow... Such a sacred future... Hey, do you that right now, there's going to be someone willing to end it all? Someone you don't know... Contemplating whether or not that their dreams are going to be snuffed out like a candle in the wind."
My ego makes me sick...
"You clearly do. You did then. You do now. You will in the future. Open your eyes."
His hands were on my back now. Little bits of bone poking through in irregular, jagged patterns. Miniscule bits of flesh danced over my own, the decay over a year old...
"What do you think went through his head? It's not just something that goes through your head in a normal situation, why was it you that triggered it? Hey... When was the last time you were at the grave?"
He was right behind me now. I didn't even need to turn to know what/who it was now. It had made it all so deathly clear without even needing to open my eyes. The raking of my back, which would surely turn into a bloody mess by the end of the session, felt so numb... And so, so cold.
I just wish he had some warmth to him still...
"'Never cry in pain that you want to die! Go and live the life that you want to find!' Such beautiful, meaningful words with such a vapid connotation... I suppose it doesn't matter to you now, though. It's never been the same since, has it?"
...No. It hasn't. Why it's now of all times, I don't know.... I don't care... It hurts so much...
"Living your whole life just to waste it all away and dying somewhere all alone, they're not really that different. Open your eyes."
It didn't matter... It didn't matter if I opened my eyes or not. I suppose saying I knew who this was was a bit of an overstatement. I knew who, just not the spirit that was propping his body up...
"Not even a reply? What a shame. Can't even face your own brother as well? Open your eyes."
My brother... At least his corpse had finally sought me out after all these years. Even if it was possessed by some malevolent entity, I could still tell it was him.
Life's a cruel, cruel thing.
Sometimes, I wonder what life would've been like had my brother not hanged from that tree over a year ago. It's not as if I was close to him during the last few years of his life, we had a bit of a falling out... But still, when I heard the news that day...
I couldn't help but cry. I never wanted the worst to come to pass, I never wanted this blood on my hands. Sitting there and seeing him in the coffin in the undertaker's, that's a feeling I never want to replicate.
"Just... Just leave me alone!"
His reply was instant.
"Ah, you speak. I was beginning to wonder if I were talking to myself. If only it was so easy to leave... Open your eyes."
...I did as I was ordered.
I simply couldn't resist it any longer. The crushing feeling in my chest, the overwhelming emotions swirling, and the feeling of the corpse besides me. It was too much.
So, I turned and looked...
At an empty bed with wet bedsheets but no corpse.
No voice, but a body that was now moving on its on.
Racing to the bathroom, the blinding lights being flickered on torching my eyesight for a bit, I saw more damage. My back? Torn to pieces, however, with little to no blood actually spilling from it.
Until, I looked down at the blood mess that was the sink... And the razor that was floating amongst the pool of crimson...
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I'm broke.
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no invites /no bs
will delete soon !!
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